


My Touch is Black and Poisonous

by SelyseNewman



Category: Panic At The Disco, brendon urie - Fandom, emo - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 08:55:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12884412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelyseNewman/pseuds/SelyseNewman
Summary: Brendon Urie is someone you've had a typical rock star crush on for years and his music always helps get you through your life. While you never thought you'd meet him, you certainly didn't think meeting him would lead to what it has or what it may in the future. This will be a slow work up but I plan on it being a long story.





	1. Prologue

I love to write stories. Everything I write is AU and replays fantasies and dreams I've had. No disrespect to the real Brendon or his real life. I just like to have these written down so I can relive them later. I usually write first and edit later so excuse any errors.

Warning: could be anything, I swear and like smut, also could include any type of pairings


	2. Chapter 2

The alarm was blaring and as I opened my eyes I realized there was no light coming through the window. I hated winter. Not only was the dreary darkness depressing, the constant cold chill in the air made me want to snuggle under the blankets and not come back out until spring. I rolled over and hit snooze on my phone. Just nine more minutes of warmth, then I would shower.

The blaring resumed and I immediately sat up so I wouldn't fall back asleep and be late for work. I slowly pad to the kitchen to get all my medicine together. I really hate mornings. I grab my meds, washing them down with water and head to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and wait for the water to get warm. I'm slowly feeling warmer and I disrobe and stand under the water. While showering I think about the day ahead.

I work at a small book publishing company in Cleveland, Ohio. It's a dream job really. I help read submissions and offer criticism and ideas to the main board who decides which books to publish. It's ironic that I write books myself but have been too afraid to submit anything.

It's Friday today and I have concert tickets the next state over to see Panic! At the Disco tomorrow. I love music, I always have. I guess I should tell you a little more about me, I've been rambling about my morning and you don't even know who I am!

My name is Deziree, yeah my mom and dad thought it was cute to spell it different. My few close friends call me Dez. I am 29 years old. I came from a very small family, just me and my parents. All of my relatives either live several states away, I've never met them or they're deceased. I love my job and my few close friends. I'm single, never married and no children. It's just me alone with the things in my head. Well, now you too.

I get dressed in jeans, boots, a sweatshirt and a coat and head out to work. I've been in other cities before and I can tell you driving in Cleveland traffic is in no way enjoyable, at all. Someone really needs to invent teleportation though I'd probably be too scared to try it. Sounds painful.

I won't bore you with tales of work. I read, I ate, read some more and submitted my typed observations to the board. The book on my list today was an overly dramatic romance that needed a lot of work to be satisfying. Finally, work was done and I headed home to pack and leave for the hotel I was staying at for the concert.

This concert is one I've been waiting for for years and I bought tickets and backstage passes as a gift to myself for my upcoming birthday. I checked in and immediately went to bed, exhausted from the six and a half hour drive that you do not want to hear about. I can't wait until tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up on my own. It's Saturday morning and I can actually see sunlight and the room is bright. I love staying in hotels, it's like a new adventure. I call room service and order some breakfast then decide I'm going to get in the jacuzzi tub. I feel slightly guilty for paying so much for a hotel room but it's for my birthday and I'm going all out for once.

There's a knock on the door and I throw on a robe and sign for the meal. I eat breakfast while lounging in the jacuzzi again. I know it's weird, I just like to eat no matter what I'm doing. When I'm finished I shower to actually get clean and get dressed. I'm in a new town, no one knows me here and I can pretend that I'm not nervous and do whatever I want to do. I drive to the local mall to people watch. I'm walking in and out of stores and I hear girls yelling and screaming from the concourse.

I look around and see a mob of people. I have no idea what they're excited about, I can't see anything but a throng of girls. I step into the music store hoping to avoid being trampled. I look at old vinyls and browse through the selections. I'm happy that music stores still exist with all of the online music stores and hosts there are. I put on some head phones and listen to some samples of music. I finally hear a really good song and listen to the lyrics, deciding if I've found a new musical obsession. I feel someone tap on my shoulder and I jump then take off the headphones.

An employee is smiling and I hear the girls even closer. He tells me that they're temporarily closing the store and I'll have to leave. Weird. I turn to the entrance and see literally hundreds of girls held off by the metal cage doors that are already closed. I do not want to wade through that. When I look to the right I see Brendon. Now I understand. He came here and these girls all swarmed him. I bite my lip and look to the doors again. The employee is smiling but looks a little irritated I'm still present. "Look, I'm leaving just give me a second. I really don't like crowds." His smile falters but before he can say anything I hear Brendon, "it's fine you can hang out for a bit." I let a breath out and relax, trying to psych myself up.

The girls are clamoring over each other, taking photos as the employees are calling security. Security comes and makes the girls disperse. It take a while but finally they are gone. The whole time I was just standing and staring at the doors. I could have thanked him for letting me stay or made small talk. But honestly, I was shocked to even meet him and too distracted by the thought of having to walk through the mob. When everything quiets down, the employee opens the doors and I immediately escape. I go back to my car and back to my hotel.

Once there I curse myself for letting my anxiety get the best of me. I decide there's nothing I can do and take a nap so I know I won't get to tired tonight. I have this hotel room for one more night and I'm going to have the most fun I can.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up to my phone ringing, it's my best friend Erik. I answer and tell him about my day so far. He was supposed to come to the concert but he couldn't get off work. He's a nurse and we've been friends for 10 years. He berated me for my lack of action in the mall. "You should have talked to him! Touched him! Something!" I laugh, "no Erik, he's just a person you know and those girls practically attacked him." He sighs, "well you have backstage passes you better use them and talk to him!" Yeah right, me, small town nobody. We chat about my plans and the concert and he finally says goodbye. I only have a few hours left so I change into some nicer clothes and get all my stuff together for the concert, making sure I have my tickets about a hundred times. I call an Uber and decide to head to the venue.

This place is huge. I look around and decide to get in line. I hate lines, I'm inpatient and get nervous. At least I was early enough that the line isn't long and I'm inside the first set of doors waiting. I read some work on my phone hoping to get ahead on the next work week. Suddenly the line is moving and I'm inside. I walk in and look around. Vendors are everywhere, selling every kind of merch you can imagine.

I browse and decide on a new shirt. You just can't have enough band tees. I slip it on over my shirt and walk down to where I'm standing for the show. The opening band is setting up and I'm anxiously awaiting the music. I hope they play something with some energy so I can expel some excess of mine and get ready for the show.

There are people starting to crowd up front where I am and it seems everyone has someone else with them. Times like these I hate being single and alone. Just to have someone to talk to and keep me entertained would be amazing.

I've been single for the last 7 years. I was in a relationship and in love but it wasn't meant to be. Nothing really bad happened, we just grew apart I guess. He realized he wasn't in love and I realized I wasn't either anymore, so we parted ways. I hadn't found anyone who made me feel like being in a relationship was worth it, and not for lack of trying. I went on dates, but nothing clicked or went anywhere. I finally decided it was my fate to be alone. It's not a bad thing, being alone had its perks, but I did miss sex. I didn't miss orgasms as I could have those by myself. I missed the close intimacy, the passion, the excitement. As I was thinking to myself, I felt arms go around my waist. I instinctively turned and pushed my attacker away, immediately smiling and hugging him instead.

It was Erik! "What the hell are you doing here?" He smiled and hugged me back, "I couldn't miss your self-designed birthday extravaganza!" Turns out Erik is a big fat liar, he got the day off work and came to surprise me. We talked and listened to the opening band . I felt truly happy and my nervousness faded into nothing. I prided myself on being able to do things alone but I preferred company.

The opening band went off stage and we waited for the real show to begin.


	5. Chapter 5

vThe lights went down and then he came out. Gotta admit, Brendon was a fantasy in flesh. His lyrics are amazing and his voice makes me feel things nothing gen else in life ever has. I smiled, I laughed, hell I cried. I don't get emotional in real life, but in this fantasy world I can't describe all the emotions I'm feeling. The new songs are catchy, creative and feeling. The old songs remind me of what I've gotten through with their help.

Erik sings a along as well. He's really the only friend I have that understands my obsession, even taking part in it. Before I know it, the show's over. The lights come on and my fantasy world is in darkness again. Erik and I talk about the show and how great it was. We argue over what the best performance was. Crowds this big take forever to disperse so we lazily walk and stay toward the back.

Suddenly a man starts talking over the speaker about where to go if you have back stage passes. I forgot my night isn't completely over, I can enjoy this fantasy just a bit longer. Erik smiles and holds up a backstage pass, "You didn't think I'd let you have all the fun did you?" I hug him tightly. I may be single, but having Erik as a best friend was just as good, if not better.

Finally we get to the hallway and show our backstage passes. They give us vip lanyards and usher us through the hallways of the venue. There are so many people here. I tap my hand on my leg, expelling energy and trying to not get nervous. They usher us into a large meeting room of some sort, there's food and drinks but no Brendon yet.

I'm too nervous to eat so I grab a drink, finishing it almost instantly. It burns, but in that good way that lets you know it's worth it. Erik smiles at me. With my best friend here I feel like I can relax, and be a little less me. Less anxious, less nervous, less shy. Now I'm not a shy person by nature but anxiety makes me shy and uncertain. I've been working on it for years and honestly it's better than it has ever been, but certain situations still make it an annoying occurrence.

Erik and I drink and chat until we hear screams. We look over at Brendon walking in. The girls crowd him and security tries to ensure he doesn't get injured. This is where I'm shy. I've had a crush forever and love everything about him by I can't attack him like that. I think because I would freak if it happened to me. He smiles graciously and starts taking pictures with fans and signing things.

Erik and I stay on the outskirts, he's silently supporting me. Time passes and I think I've had four or five drinks, finally relaxing from my liquid courage. Some of the girls are gone and it's getting late. Finally one of the security guards announces its time for anyone under the age of 21 to leave. I'm confused but happy I don't fit into that category. As most of the girls are ushered out another security guard is checking IDs to ensure whoever is left is 21 or older. I flash my ID and he smiles.

Once all the younger girls are gone one of Brandon's backup band jumps onto a table. "We're off tomorrow so tonight we're all going to party!" He jumps down and immediately grabs a drink. Erik and I sit on a set of chairs towards the corner continuing to drink and talk. He puts his hand on my knee, "aren't you even going to talk to him or get a birthday picture? You've been waiting for this forever!" I smile, feeling the buzz in my veins. "I will, just not right now."


	6. Chapter 6

The night wears on and everyone is drinking and laughing, playing music. I don't even know what time it is when Brendon walks over to me and puts his hand out. I reach out, shake back and smile. He smirks, damn him. "Hey I just wanted to make sure to say hello to you. I mean you paid for these tickets but haven't met me, taken a picture or anything. Did your boyfriend want you to come?"

I raise my eyebrow, "what? Oh Erik, no. He's my best friend. And you were really busy so I didn't want to bother you." He looks slightly confused, "most people don't worry about bothering me. Wait. You're that girl from the mall yesterday." I smile and nod. "Hey I actually wanna thank you for earlier. I was really overwhelmed and you didn't say anything. I figured you just weren't a fan but now it's obvious you are."

Erik was just returning from the bathroom and smiled at me. He went to my side and stuck his hand out to Brendon, "Hey man good to meet you. I'm Erik, just here for my best friend's birthday extravaganza!" My inner voice curses him. I like to be the only one to make a big deal out of my birthday.

Brendon looks surprised and jumps onto a nearby chair, clanging his beer bottle. "Attention! Thanks for partying with us tonight and it's a huge celebration because it's ...." I smile, he never even asked my name, "Dez," I whisper. "It's Dez's birthday!!" Everyone yells out, inebriated enough to celebrate anything. Brendon starts singing happy birthday and I swear my heart will stop.

Everyone sings and I can't help but feeling it's the best birthday I may ever have. The music continues and Brendon stays by me and Erik. We all drink and chat about the concert, music in general and life, just making small talk. At this point I realize I have all the warm fuzzy feelings that go along with being pretty buzzed, maybe just drunk. Erik and Brendon are talking about random music facts and laughing. Erik decides to embarrass me and talk about my music collection. This is always a sort of entertainment because my collection is very wide and varied. Erik grabs my phone and throws it to Brendon, "seriously just look through her music." I laugh, I know I have weird tastes but honestly it's not that weird. Brendon scrolls through my lists and laughs a couple times. He grabs his on phone and throws it at me. Look at mine.

I look through his phone and find his list is just as varied as mine, maybe more so as he has bands on his I don't even know. He laughs out loud again, "a kindred soul huh? You have some good taste." I return his smile and we switch phones back, "ditto."

Brendon is just listening to he music on now and he is tapping his hand on his leg. He must have nervous energy too. One of my favorite upbeat songs come on and he grabs my hand, "lets dance." He pulls me to the center of the room and my alcohol content decides it's Time for me to not be shy, so I start dancing and singing along. The night continues with more dancing and drinking. I look over to the corner and see Erik talking with a beautiful blonde.

A short while later Erik taps my shoulder and as I turn I see he's still with the beautiful blonde from earlier. "Hey Dez, I'm gonna, uh, head back to the hotel. Can you get back alright?" He hasn't been worth a girl in a while and I'm so glad he's doing this, "yeah, absolutely. Have fun!" He whispers, "happy birthday" in my ear and heads out. Brendon heads back from grabbing another drink and I can't help but think how much better his alcohol tolerance is than mine.

He sees Erik leaving,"Hey isn't that your ride?" "No I came with an Uber I don't even know which hotel he's in." He smirks, damnit I want a picture of that. I continue enjoying the night, wanting to write down every part so that I never forget. Most of the people are gone or passed out now but Brendon and I are still going strong. He grabs my arm and leans in close, "do you wanna get out of here?" I bite my lip and nod, "oh yes."


	7. Chapter 7

We leave the venue mostly unnoticed as everyone is gone, drunk, or passed out. I follow Brendon to a car and he opens the door for me to get in. I sink into the seat as his driver gets in and starts the car. "Where do you wanna go?" I think on that, realizing I have no idea what's in this town. "I live over six hours away, I don't know about anywhere here." He smiles again, "my hotel?" I am surprised and unsure so I just nod my head and try to not get carsick. I hate being in a car when I'm drunk.

The drive is short or it just seems so because I'm overthinking. We arrive and get out. He grabs my hand and I follow him to the elevator. We get out and he's still holding my hand. I am sure this is going to be the best one night stand I've ever had.

Once inside the room, he closes the door and locks it. When he turns around he just stares at me and suddenly I'm more nervous than before. He leans in, grabbing my face and kissing me. I'm internally thanking my drunken state as I put my arms to his neck and hair and kiss him back with all the passion I've been holding onto for the last several years.

As my fingers grab his hair he moans into my mouth and I swear I can feel it like a straight line to my sex. We continue kissing as he's walking me backward until he pushes me onto the couch on my back. He breaks the kiss to grab his shirt and pull it off, throwing it on the floor. Looking up at his perfect body I feel a surge of inadequacy but the alcohol banishes it as he pounced on me again.

I can't help but thinking that this is the passion I've been missing and I never knew just how much until now. His hands are all over me, too much and not enough at the same time. I reach down and pull of my shirt, temporarily breaking the kiss. He moans and reaches for my bra, wrapping his arms around me as I arch up to make it easier. My shirt and bra soon join his shirt on the floor.

He kisses down my neck, sucking on my collar bones while fondling my breasts. As his mouth descends lower, he takes a nipple into his mouth and it's my turn to moan. He breathes out heavily, "Fuck. Dez. I want you, I want to feel you. Are you sure?" I look into his eyes and nod,"happy birthday to me." He smiles and continues kissing lower while undoing my jeans and pulling them down my legs. I kick them off and reach for his jeans, popping the button and trying to get them off without losing contact with his skin. He has on boxers and I can see how visibly excited he is.

I want more. I need to taste him and feel him, everywhere. He pushes me back down on the couch and crawls between my legs. I decide that if I could get a picture, this would be it. His hands on my hips, holding me still while he concentrates on my pussy. Mental snapshot will have to do. His hand reaches over my hip and onto my sex, rubbing my clit while he licks and sucks everything he can reach with his mouth. I am so horny I feel pressure start to build almost immediately but I want this to last.

I sit up breaking contact. "What's wrong?" I slide down to the floor and lay on my back, beckoning him with my finger. "Not fair, I want to taste you too." His expression changes and he eagerly pulls off his boxers and turns so that he's between my legs and I between his. His cock is big, not painfully big, but I can't wait. As he's licking my pussy and sucking on my clit I lick and suck his cock until I can deep throat him all the way. He moans into my pussy and the vibrations go straight through me.

As I get closer I start to swirl my tongue and apply more suction until I can feel him getting close. I feel him say something but I'm so close I can't concentrate and as I cum I taste him on the back of my tongue. I swallow everything and lay back panting. He rolls over beside me, his breathing matching mine.

Suddenly I think about what we did and my lack of concern over basic issues. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're clean right? I'm not gonna get anything?" He smirks, "I'm clean but you probably should've asked that earlier." I laugh,"true. I'm clean too by the way." We both laugh and he turns so that his mouth is on my shoulder and his arm is across my midsection. Now I wanna pass out.


	8. Chapter 8

Once our breathing has returned to normal, Brendon starts kissing my shoulder and runs his hand down to my sex again. I immediately respond and can't help but think that going without sex for so long is helpful tonight. I feel like I could go again and again. We kiss again while Brendon crawls between my legs and I see his cock is hard again and so close to entering me.

He looks at me, questioning," You really wanna do this? " I nod and reach down to stroke him, placing him at my entrance and moving down so just the head is in. He pauses and looks down, "fuck that's hot." He begins to enter me and I can feel how tight I am. I'm stretching and burning in the best way. "Fuck! You're so tight." I laugh and the vibrations affect him as well. He pushes my legs down so I'm basically bent in half and he starts to move slowly in and out. Frustrated, I whisper in his ear, "fuck me hard and fast, I need it." He immediately grips my thighs and hammers into me so all I can do is moan and scream. This is what I needed. It's not love or longing it's just passion and closeness. Sometimes during sex it's hard to tell you're not just a part of that other person and I love that.

As he pounds away I can feel the pressure build and I tell him I'm close. "Me too, I can't wait to feel you cum on my cock." Just those dirty words push me over the edge and I feel him still as I cum, cumming inside me. We collapse on the floor again and now I'm tired. I want to do it again but after my dry spell I'm not sure I can handle it. Brendon's breathing evens out and he's lightly snoring. I think I'll just rest for a while and then go. My eyes close and that's all I remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter, I just felt this was a good place to end it.


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up in bed thinking I'm in my hotel. I'm so thirsty. I look around and realize this is definitely not my hotel room. I think over the happenings of last night and once I remember where I am I feel anxious. I can't believe I had sex Witt Brendon freakin Urie. I calm down focusing on my surroundings realizing I have to pee. I don't see my clothes anywhere so I wrap in the sheet and walk out, finding the bathroom and rushing in. I look at myself in the mirror, thankful i didn't wear makeup or I'd probably look like a dead raccoon. I pee and then drink three glasses of water from the sink, I'm so thirsty. I decide I need a shower and then I'll find my clothes and bolt. The shower feels amazing and the towels are so soft and fluffy. I find the biggest one and wrap it around myself after I'm dry. I take a few deep breaths and exit to find my clothes.

I go towards the living room area and see Brendon on the couch, snoring. I see my clothes on the floor and grab them. I drop the towel and quickly get dressed. Once I'm done I look over and see that Brendon's eyes are open. He looks confused and I feel very awkward. He smiles,"good morning!" I stare at him,"please tell me you're not a morning person."

He smirks,"guilty." Ugh. I hate mornings. He stretches and I see he is at least clothed. I find my phone and see I have missed texts from about an hour ago.   
Erik: where are you  
Erik: please just tell me you're ok  
Erik: I'm sorry I left  
Erik: please just let me know you're ok  
Erik:DEZ!!!!!!!!  
I laugh and call his phone. He answers before the first ring even finishes. "Dez. What the hell? I'm sorry I left! Are you okay?" "Yes dad I'm fine. I'm getting ready to check out and head home I'll see you later for dinner okay?" He sighs, "okay. See you later then." I hang up and Brendon is staring at me but I can't tell what his expression is.

I decide to find my shoes so I can go pack and head home. As I'm looking around Brendon gets up," Hey. I haven't really done this in a while and I'm not sure what to say." He runs his hand through his hair. I laugh, men are so clueless sometimes,"no big deal. Thanks for the birthday present?" You smile. He laughs, "you're welcome? Why didn't you tell your friend where you really were?"

Oh...I guess it's like that, "look I know it was just a one night stand. It was freakin great but I know you wouldn't want people to know your business and I don't either so I figured it's easier to pretend it didn't happen." He looks confused," oh. Thanks?" I laugh again, "okay I'm gonna get an Uber to my hotel. It was really so great to meet you." He grabs my phone out of my hand, "I'm gonna give you my number so we can chat sometimes. You're really quite interesting. That's okay, right?"

I think he's joking but I figure no harm so I nod as he saves his contact info in my phone. When he hands it back I can see he saved his number under contact name "Better Fuck." I laugh hard, "Really?" He smirks again, "you said it last night." I don't remember that part but okay. I order an Uber and my phone pings almost immediately. "Well, it was nice meeting you Brendon. Have a great tour." He walks me to the door and kisses me goodbye. He then grabs my phone to take a selfie of us. "Here now you have a picture since you didn't take any last night." I save it to my favorites and realize this will undoubtedly be the best birthday of my entire life. I get in the Uber, pack up my belongings at my hotel and start the long drive back home, replaying the night in my head over and over all the way.


	10. Chapter 10

I finally arrive home and throw clothes in the washer. I lie down on the couch and fall asleep. I'm disturbed by incessant knocking about three hours later. I get up and see it's Erik. "Come in." He looks mad. "I've been calling for an hour and knocking for over fifteen minutes." I shrug, "I was tired I fell asleep." I grab my phone and it's dead. I plug it in and head to the kitchen, sitting at the table and yawning. Erik sits across from me.

"I'm sorry I took off last night." I don't know why he feels bad,"dude it's fine, please tell me you got laid!" He laughs and blushes, " well yeah. Her name is Stacey and she's great but she lives so far away." He looks sad, I know he wants to be in a relationship but he seems just as unlucky as I am in love. I reach out to hold his hand,"Hey she may not be the one but you'll find the one, I promise."

I get up to make some coffee. "Where do you want to eat dinner?" One thing Erik and I love equally is food. "I want sushi!" Erik makes a face, "only if we go to the place on Main they have the best hibachi." I nod and go to flip the laundry then change. When I come out Erik has my phone. He looks at me accusingly, "Uhm. Dez? What exactly did you do after I left last night?" I glance to my phone and see he's looking at the picture of me and Brendon. "I told you I'd get a picture." He looks at me again,"you do know your pictures are date stamped right?" Oops. Nosy ass. I don't even know what to say. He continues staring at me, "You didn't. I want details. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was just a one night stand. He wouldn't want people to know. I mean, it was great but it was a one time thing. He's famous and well I live in Ohio." I don't know what else to say. He grins,"so he's a better fuck than who?" He shows me my phone and I see a text message from Brendon. Shit. I bite my lip. He hands me my phone,"this will be such a great dinner conversation."

Erik drives us to the restaurant and we sit at a regular table. I order alcohol and Erik drinks water. He just keeps staring at me, smiling that damn creepy smile. So it tell him about the night, leaving personal details out. He smiles at the end,"good for you Dez. Best birthday ever!!" I will never find a better friend than Erik. There's no judgment just acceptance. I feel like in another life me and Erik may have been soulmates but this life we are best friends and can't live without each other.

After dinner he drops me off at home and I change into pajamas I check my phone. Brendon had texted me just asking how my day was. I responded and then my phone rings displaying his "name." I answer.   
D: hey what's up? (Lame)  
B: we're headed toward our next show and I just wanted to talk to someone.   
D: aren't there other people with you?  
B: ....yeah, but I don't wanna talk to them  
D: oh...ok. I just got home from dinner, just relaxing gotta work in the morning.  
B: what do you do?  
D: I read. I work at a publishing house.  
B: I don't even know where you live.  
D: Ohio. No where special believe me.  
B: (laugh) that's kinda funny cuz that's where we're heading  
D: when I looked online you didn't have a show in Cleveland.   
B: we didn't at first it got added on  
D: when is your show?  
B: tomorrow night. We're going to get a hotel for the night and then we will leave again on Wednesday.   
D: that sounds nice. (Damnit you want tickets)  
B: what are you doing after work tomorrow?  
D: no plans yet  
B: well I know you just saw a show but do you wanna come again?  
D: (insert dirty thoughts) yeah. That would be great!  
B: good. I'll put your name on the list just check in.   
D: (inner happy dance) yeah, absolutely I'll see you then!  
B: goodnight  
D: goodnight

I lie in bed, now too excited to sleep. Not only did he call me, I get to see him again. Eventually I fall asleep, I can't wait for tomorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

I wake up to the alarm and immediately get out of bed. I'm so excited for tonight. It's official, this year has been the best for my birthday (even though it's technically tomorrow). I get to work and can't wait until tonight. I'm happy and I smile more than usual. Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy, I never smile this much. One girl I work with, Nancy just smiles back and can't help but ask what's got me in such a good mood. I just tell her it's my birthday tomorrow and I have really great plans. She tells me to enjoy myself and I immerse myself in work until the day ends.

Finally! My day is done and I have just enough time to head home and change to head to the show. As I'm getting ready Erik calls. I answer and excitedly tell him about Brendon and the concert. He sounds so happy for me but tells me to be careful. When I hang up I'm so excited I immediately start walking towards the concert.

When I get there there's already plenty of people there so I walk up to one of the security guards and tell them my name is on the list. He speaks into his microphone and we stand there waiting. Finally I hear him say okay and he begins to lead me to a side door. He knocks twice, the door opens and I see Brendon smiling at me. He grabs my hand and pulls me into the building laughing.

As he keeps pulling me along the corridor gets brighter and I can see I'm backstage. He takes me in and introduces me to the guys that are playing with him tonight. I say hello and he pulls me into another room with drinks and snacks like the last venue.

"Brendon I just wanna thank you for inviting me, this is great." He smiles, "I just really felt like we hit it off and wanted to help continue, what was it? THE BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA!!" He says in a singsong way. I laugh, "my birthday is actually tomorrow I just celebrated early this year." He does an overly dramatic shocked look, "but that means you lied to me! That's it get out." Then he laughs again. I smile back. He looks serious for a moment, "I did want to apologize about the other night. I mean you're great and funny but I shouldn't have gone so far so fast." I'm not sorry, it was a great night to remember but I get where he's coming from, "yeah. I was drunk too, but it was a good night, no harm done." He seemed to think about that and then genuinely smiled again. My cheeks hurt, his smile makes me smile and it's getting painful. We sit down and make more small talk until one of the crew comes to get him onstage.

He hands me a different vip lanyard and tells me to follow him. He takes me off to the side of the stage where some more crew are so I can watch the show from there. I finally remember to take pictures, no one will believe that this happened to me. His set is amazing, watching him perform is like a drug. His energy and enthusiasm is so infective, best drugs I've done in a while.

At the end of the show he walks off stage and I put my arms around him, "that was spectacular! Thank you so much!" I realize he's shirtless and sweaty and wow, just wow. He leads me back to the backstage area. He tells me he's going to change and I sit on a couch, grabbing a drink from the bar area. I'm so not trying to get drunk tonight as I have work tomorrow.

Fans with backstage passes start filing in and the first girl keeps staring at me. I try to ignore her but finally she comes over and stands before me. I look up at her and she's still just staring, "hi. Can I help you?" She gives me a dirty look, "I don't know how you got back here so fast but I want you to know that I'm with Brendon and you don't have a chance." She smirks and walks away to her friends.

I never understood why girls were always so mean to each other, especially over a guy. I knew the other night was a one time thing but he never said he had a girlfriend, that's just low. I decide I have sick days and I can sure use one for my birthday tomorrow. I step outside the door and call my work to report off for tomorrow and return to the room grabbing another drink. I chug it down and start to feel warm.

This is what I needed, just to relax and enjoy the night. One of the male fans comes over and introduces himself to me. His name is Mike and he is super hot. We chat about music and I find out he lives close to this venue too. We discuss work and I find out he works in retail but he's trying to get a book deal. I laugh when I tell him what I do. His smiles lights up his face, "this is fate then." He asks for my number and I enter it into his phone, texting myself so I can save his. I hear the others in the room get progressively louder and then Brendon walks in.


	12. Chapter 12

The crowd swarms him and he's immediately being pulled into pictures and signing stuff. I decide to continue to chat up Mike and I'm generally having a really great time. Eventually Brendon makes his way through the room and the crew get rid of anyone under 21, just like last time.

The rude girl has been following him around and touching him all night. I know she said she's with him but he doesn't look like he's enjoying her touches. I decide it's not my business and continue talking and even dancing with Mike. He tells me about his last boyfriend and I tell him about mine. I feel so lucky to have met him, it's like we're the same person almost.

I look at my phone and see it's past midnight. I'm pretty tired but since I'm now off tomorrow I decide to milk this night for all it's worth. Mike and I are dancing to a slow song when Brendon comes over and asks for a dance. I look around and don't see the girl from earlier. Mike goes over to sit for a while but before I agree to dance I have to know, "Brendon do you have a girlfriend?" He looks puzzled, "Oh, that girl? No. She's kind of a fanatic she follows me around, she's not even supposed to get backstage passes but she always finds a way." "That sounds kind of scary actually." I let him put his arms around my waist and we continue to dance.

The music stops and I stare into Brendon's eyes. He says he has to go, then leans in and kisses my cheek, "happy Birthday." He goes to leave as I return to Mike. "Hey you want a ride home?," he says. I nod. "And I know I just met you but why did Brendon kiss you?" I laugh, "it's after midnight so it's my birthday and I totally forgot." He laughs, " cmon birthday girl, let's get you home."

He drops me off and I thank him. We promise to meet up sometime. I get into my apartment and fall face first on my bed, fast asleep.

My alarm is blaring and I shut it off. Thinking slowly I realize that I'm off today and must have forgotten to shut off my alarm. I get up and head to the bathroom to shower, once I'm up I can't go back to sleep. I hear my phone ringing and wrap myself in a towel to answer it. It's Brendon?

D: hello.  
B: Hey birthday girl what's up?  
D: you do know it's 7am right?  
B: oops   
D: what are you up to this early?  
B: hanging out doing nothing. Just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out today, I don't leave until tomorrow  
D: yeah, sure. I'm off today.   
B: well this is your town you pick something to do.  
D: it's freaking cold out, you wanna watch some movies or something? I don't want you to accidentally run into one of your stalkers (laughs)  
B: that sounds fine, text me your address and I'll come over.  
D: okay I'll see you soon.  
I text him my address, dress as fast as I can and straighten up my apartment.

About 30 minutes later there's a knock at my door and I go to answer it. It's Brendon with snacks. "I didn't know what you liked so I grabbed a bit of everything." I laugh," you do know I have food in my apartment right?" He puts everything down on the kitchen table as we head to the living room.

I pull up my movie list and look through it. Nothing catching my eye. Brendon smirks, "you have the weirdest assortment of movies." I laugh, I hear that all the time. As I'm scrolling Brendon sees my horror section. I see Silent Hill and decided it's been a while, we can watch that one. I push play while Brendon gives me a look. "Hey, this movie is underrated and I love the game." He continues to look at me, "You play video games?" I roll my eyes,"Yes I play. And yes I'm a girl."

He grins, "I didn't mean it like that. Just most girls I've played with don't like horror games or jump scares." I open the cabinet doors underneath my TV. I want to guffaw when Brendon sees my collections. I have an XBox One, PS4 and lots of games for both. He starts looking through them all. He nods at a few titles and looks confused at some of the others.

The movie is on but we aren't really paying attention. We talk about some of our favorite movies and then games. Hours of becoming friends I hope. Brendon and I have so much in common, much more than with any of my friends. We play some games and I realize I'm getting really hungry.

"I know you brought snacks but I'm starving, wanna order in?" He nods quickly. I grab some takeout menus and we decide on pizza. When I call the shop says all their deliveries are cancelled. When I ask why the guy actually laughs at me, "have you not looked outside ma'am?" I open a curtain and see solid white everywhere and snow falling fast. I hang up the phone. "Brendon, you should probably look at this." He looks outside and seems genuinely excited, "I love snow!" Ugh. He's one of those. I hate hate hate snow. Living this close to the lake also means I see more of it than the rest of the state too.

Brendon grabs his phone, "shit. Missed calls. My ringer must have been off." He returns a call and finds out the snow is supposed to last so he may have to stay in town longer. He hangs up. "So I don't think I can safely make it back to the hotel. Care if I crash here?" I shook my head, "no problem I have an extra bedroom." No delivery can come so we decide to go to a little Chinese place across the street.

As we get ready to go I realize Brendon only has a light jacket on. I go into my bedroom and dig into the very back of my closet finding what I was looking for. My ex's heavy coat. It would be big on him, but warm. I throw it at him and as he's taking his off to put the new one on,"who's coat is this? Or do you have spare men's coats just in case?" I look shocked, " are you calling me a slut?" He immediately backtracks,"Nonono. I was just kidding." I laugh, "so was I. It was my ex's he never came back for it and I never got around to throwing it away." We head out into the snowstorm for dinner.


	13. Chapter 13

Wading through the snow drifts and wind make me wish we had just stayed in. The trucks have been out but the snow is coming down so fast they just can't keep up. I was hoping we would have a mild winter but I guess not. Brendon pulled me through the street and yanks open the door, warmth immediately encompassing us both.

The owner comes over and ushers is to a table and only one other table has people at it. We sit in a booth and as I slide in Brendon slides beside me instead of across. We both order and continue talking for hours. The snow is still falling and the wind has died down, I guess it was kind of beautiful if I didn't have to go out into it. Finally we leave the restaurant and return to my apartment. It's getting pretty late.

I find some more of my ex's clothes so Brendon can be comfortable and some extra blankets for the spare room. Brendon is still sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate. I sit beside him. I suddenly feel nervous and I don't know why. He suddenly turns to me, "look I know we just met but I have to admit you're pretty awesome and we have a lot in common." I knew where this was going, "I agree. You're like a best friend and I'm so glad we met." He hugs me and says goodnight, heading to the spare room. It's no big deal, this is always the way it seems to go for me, always the friend, never the girlfriend. I refused to be sad about it. I could make myself happy.

I checked my email on my phone and discovered work was cancelled, though I already kind of figured. I could work from home when needed. I tried to fall asleep but after two hours I gave up. I put on my robe over my pajamas and went into my third bedroom that I converted to an office type space. I had my computer and my book collection. The walls were floor to ceiling bookshelves that were overflowing and in front of the window was my computer and a 55inch TV I used for the monitor. This allowed me not only to play computer games but to do work tasks from the floor if I so desired. This was my sanctuary and my happy place.

I did some work and forwarded it to my boss. Still not feeling sleepy I decided to play a video game. After a half hour of being trolled and doing dungeons with random asshats, I decided to do some more work on my book. I hadn't worked on it in a while so I started by rereading the last few chapters to get into the story. Putting my headphones in to listen to some music, listening to VAS allowed me to read without being distracted by lyrics.

I was almost done when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I jumped, "fuck!" I turned to see Brendon smirking, jerk. "Sorry." He says raising his hands so as to not be murdered while still laughing. I take a few deep breaths and calm down from the scare. He's looking around at my books and pauses when his gaze returns to me. "Why is your computer monitor a TV? And are you a hoarder?" I laugh, no ones ever really seen this room except Eric, and he gets it. "I play computer games too dude. I like to see everything. And I'm not a hoarder this is my book collection and I've read every single one." He looks around, "I didn't think anyone read this much." I laugh, my reading obsession not only led to my career but it makes me who I am.

"I love books. I needed an escape when I was younger and books were that for me. Video games are as well which is why I play." He seems to think about that, "why did you need an escape?" That was a too personal conversation with someone I haven't known an entire week. "It's just really personal and I don't like to talk about it." He nods, "okay." He looks towards the monitor again, "is this a book you're reviewing? I was kind of reading over your shoulder and it seems pretty interesting for fantasy."

I freeze. I don't let anyone read my work, ever. It's just for me and I know it's not good enough to be published but it makes me happy. "Yeah," I lie. I shut off the monitor and lead him out to the living room. I turn on the TV and go to the Netflix app. I'm way to wired to go back to sleep and I don't really want Brendon reading more of my book than he already has. He puts on some show I don't even recognize. We're sitting on the couch and watching TV but I'm mostly staring at him in my peripheral vision. Never in a million years did I think I would actually meet him, or that we would become like friends. Of course, in my younger fantasies it was something more but being friends was a really great thing too. Somewhere between my staring and his vegging out we both must have fallen back asleep.


End file.
